Thursday, June 11, 2009

Sometimes Tongues are for Biting

There's a book I (think I) remember reading to my children called "Toes are to Tickle" where you go through the day in the life of the characters pointing out the purpose of different items. They really could use an update and include many things of which I oft find myself wondering of their purpose. Flowers are for smelling, the book says; assembly directions are for reference after what seems obvious doesn't go together right; alarms are for snoozing - highly practical stuff is what is needed.

Most people would say tongue is for tasting or talking or...whatever. More and more I have found that, at times, tongues are for biting; I mean me biting my tongue in the figurative (most of the time) sense, not randomly biting people's tongues.

I am a person who tends to both speak my mind and wear my heart on my sleeve. It doesn't take much for people to figure out where I stand on an issue - really there's no figuring it out 'cause I've said it.

There has been much that has transpired in the last several weeks that has challenged me to figure out what I should say, what I can say and whether I should say anything at all.

In my position, working at the helm of a non profit agency, there are times I really can't say things that I feel need to be said. There's some provision that limits NP's from making public stances as an agency on legislation. There's a fine line when a person is a person and that person is seen as representing an agency. Not to mention the local "politics" that need to be taken into account.

I wish I could develop an alter we-go (web + alter-ego = w-ego) where I could step out of me and make some experiential and observational statements about stuff that's happening in politics, in the community and in my own little world. Really, the web lends itself to we-go's and many people use them.

For me, I'm too me to not want my ideas tied back to me. If anyone want to challenge me, I want them to do just that. Many times it helps me better understand an issue, revise or strengthen my opinion.

But--

being opinionated - and some might call stubborn or driven by an agenda - polarizes people in some cases. It is frustrating to not be able to make a case about something because someone has already labled your ideas, suggestions, etc. based on how they felt about another completely unrelated position you took. And sometimes you are a product and representative of whatever organization you are tied to - and that's not a bad thing; unless people use your position against said organization. Many times, that's what given you the experience or insight to make the observation/statement.

...and when I say "you" I mean me.

So, do I let loose the reins and put it all there and just deal with the ramifications.

Unfortunately, no.

There's too much damage that can be caused by linkage from me to the agency for which I work to make a public stand at this point. Maybe I should run for public office - though that's not possible in our current political system because I can't image either party would take all of me anymore than I feel like I fit into all of either.

A column might be an interesting venture - though this venue works pretty well. But even here I feel like I need to bite my tongue; who knows who might take what I write here and how. Sometimes I wonder what I am trying to say, meandering around issues and the like.

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(my tribute to Joseph Heller - somewhat random interuption of thought)
Do you remember Larry King's old USA Today column...? That'd be a great format to spit out once a week. Thought-filled, visionary statements like - Is there anything better than toasting then ends of bread with butter and peanut butter...sometimes when I'm talking, I don't listen to what I'm saying, but rather think about what I already said and what I should say next...I think our cat lacks saliva glands because he always wants to have the shower drip on him before he licks himself...if you have ADAH,radio is the perfect ca - SQUIRREL...I really should have a salad once in a while...Hello, Minnatonka
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In the mean time, I'll keep trying to figure out how to work within the system...

and continue to bite my tongue.

Much more of this and I won't have to worry about talking as I won't have enough tongue to talk. Or I'll walk around like Fleck with an old school bandage wrapped around it.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Empty Me

Empty Me of the selfishness inside,
Every vain ambition and poison of my pride.
Any foolish thing my heart holds to,
Lord, empty me of me so I can be, filled with You.

Chris Sligh – Empty Me

How many times a day am I guilty of putting me ahead of Him.
It’s rhetorical people, but the answer is more than I can keep track of.

There have been some amazing amounts of stress-ish things that have been dropped on my plate in the last week…actually felt more like repeated blows to the head and heart.

Now the issue is that I am stressing about stressing. I really need to not be stressing; so I stress about the fact that I am stressing and man that is stressing.

So, during the course of the last week - another where I spent my time running around like a chicken with my head cut-off (though there is a petition to change the phrase to “running around like RG” – darn chicken advocates), a non-descript email arrived on Wednesday inviting me (and others who participate in the Valparaiso Christian Ministerial Association) to a prayer meeting that Friday.

How could I make time in my busy schedule to do that? Then it dawned on my, how could I not make time in my “busy” schedule to do that?

I had the opportunity to spend some time chatting with Pastor Rich Schmidt (Living Hope –
www.livinghope.info – check it out, check it outers) at Evelyn Bay prior to the meeting. It was nice to learn and talk about some ways we can work together. It was positive, it was rich (caught myself in a pun) and it was energizing.

Then Pastors Mike Sutton (Liberty Bible –
www.lbchurch.org) and Mike Eddy (Valparaiso Community Church - http://mysite.verizon.net/mikeeddy2/index.html) joined the conversation and we spent time talking about life concerns, family concerns, work concerns – prayer concerns. Then we prayed. It was powerful. It was humbling. It was emptying. It was filling.

It was exactly where I needed to be; it was where I was supposed to be.

There is immense amount of stuff out there to beat us down, make us question why – stress.

Thankfully, if we are paying attention, there are plenty of nudges, signs and blessings all around us to pick us up, keep us on track and focused on what we need to be focused on.

Is all the world a better place – gosh no. But the reality is; my frame of mind is; my focus is on the right things and I’m not wasting energy stressing – at least until I slip up and start putting me in front of Him again.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Friends, Romans, not the Country, Man

There continues to be a slew of things to share. Figure I'll share a verse that really impacted me in the last week.

As I grow in my faith, I am more surprised by how little progress I have made. That said, I've come a long way from where I less than 3 years ago, but I know I haven't even scratched the surface of potential.

I am really not one of those people that can rattle off chapter and verse at will - I never developed that trait when it came to sports statistics either. Random trivia from the 70's, 80's and 90's - I'm full of it. I rock the Pop Edition of Trivial Pursuit, but that maybe my problem - a life of trivial pursuit; meandering without direction, driven by work and seeking affirmation from people or sources that I now know weren't the right ones on which to focus.

So when I was asked to answer a question for my pastor and he referenced Roman 8 and 12, I thought I'd read them to get some feel for his context. Paul gives some good direction - but that's pretty Paul-esque, isn't it? - then 12:12 stopped me cold.

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer." (NSRV)

As I shared on a note on a really cool website, www.youversion.com, a Bible-based website that allows you to add notes and tags to verses, add journal entries and share with others in the community. In ten words, Paul sums up a way of life; a mantra - I called it.

"Rejoice in hope - there's not a question of why or how, it is setting our faith free to guide us. When I am at my most stressed and frustrated, I have lost focus and started worrying.

Be patient in suffering - it is interesting that we talk about being tested or getting through the tough times. I am learning that there is much to be learned about my abilities, capacities and where I am to be when things are pushing me outside of my comfort zone. I don't believe in being tested. We aren't put anywhere we can't get through. We may not understand the reasons or circumstances, but we will be better through our tough times. The key to it all is prayer. When we need direction, wisdom or lighten our load, bring all things to the Lord in prayer.

Okay so Paul used 10 word; me a few more.

Told you I have a long way to go.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Mobile blogging - this could be dangerous. Someone take my car keys now.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Never Going Back to OK

I knew this was bound to happen. I think I started the "next blog entry" a dozen times - they're all tucked in a Word file on a flash drive in an unfinished state, much like me, the garage and the basement. But hey, at least I got the lawn cut. Oh wait that was last week.

Life has been interesting to say the least. Sometime in the last month and a half, I thought I was going to be last person to hold my position at CCA. I struggled mightily with the challenges that faced our agency. There was just not enough coming in to keep up with what was going out. For three weeks I slept very little, I stewed very much and accomplished who knows what.

At some point, I gave up. Not on the agency, but on trying to figure out how I was going to solve it all. I realized as I had become more bent on finding the solution, I was less and less relying on my faith. Finally, one night I let go and let God. I prayed, not for the miracle gift from a miracle donor, but instead for the wisdom and direction we needed to go. For the first time in a long time, I found peace enough to sleep for more than 3-hours. I found direction that was by no means easy, but comfort in the fact that there was clarity and calm.

As I share with people, the miracles were not 5 and 6-figure checks, but instead a focus on what we need to be doing; honest discussion with staff, clients and community and swift, appropriate decisions. It is not easy, but the affirmations of faith that we are able to share with each other, the fact that we have not had to adversely impact the services of those in need and are finding ways to more efficiently serve even more people strengthen our resolve that we are where we are, who we are, with the unique experiences and God-given talents to work together in this difficult time to serve as He would have us serve.

CCA is better positioned for its future once we clear the short-term financial challenges we are in the midst of. There are some exciting things on our horizon that we hope will be lessons that other agencies can learn from and/or be a part of in order strengthen our whole community.

For the many people who have responded to our call whether through prayer, time or contribution, thank you. Please continue to keep us, as an agency and those we serve, in your prayers. There are some great, faith strengthening experiences we'll be able to share - and we look forward to do so.

Peace be with you.

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Never Going Back to OK by The Afters
"That was yesterday
We're never going back to OK.
We're never going back to easy.
We're never going back to the way it was.
We're never going back to OK."

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

So many thoughts, only one post
One of my great fears of this blogging thing is staying on topic. There has been so much that has happened in the last week – personally, professionally, politically – that I had to take a personal straw poll to determine the topic and have brought in extra mental security to stay on said-decided subject.

Week one is in the books for my diligent budgeting process. It still has some novelty to it, but I have also seen some wonderful gains. I have closed February’s books and it has allowed our household to set some realistic budget expectations for future months. We have tighten up and eliminated some things in the margin – dropping HD and a TV from the DirecTV bill, cutting out buying lunch and dinner so often, going to a barber for half the cost of a salon and making weekly shopping list after looking at ads then going to the store.

My daughter and I opened a new savings account. It is where we will keep money for our incidental expenses and our emergency fund and deposited close to $100. She rolled about $57 in change – $25 was hers that she put into her own savings fund for a new Wii system – the rest was added to the family savings account.

At our staff meeting this week, we talked about how everyone is adjusting. While many are still working on setting up their individual systems, we talked about the challenge of making sure we accounted for all the little things that pop up. We discussed some strategies for saving, planning and reducing debt. One member of our staff has been on a diligent budgeting plan for a couple years now. She shared some of her experiences and planning tools.

We all agree that it is surprising how quickly little things can add up as well as how many times you just spend money without thinking. We feel good about what we are taking on and that it is good to have a group to talk about things.

In a rare happy story that includes the word “mortgage” –


After our tax bills FINALLY (sorry was that too political) arrived
back in the olden days (3-years ago and before) this would be the time we would be receiving our tax bills to be paid in May and November for the prior year. This time we were receiving the final statement for 2007 taxes payable in May and November 2008, stunning; that’s not political enough.

Any hoo, I called US Bank, my mortgage holder, to ask when they adjust the escrow portion of my payment as my taxes were much less than what was expected – as well as to adjust out a make-up cost they added because of a screw up during my refi closing. Since they had the recent copy on hand and understanding my taxes may even go lower, they were able to give me a reduction right away with the annual evaluation in June – dropped by almost $100 for April. That’s more money toward pay-downs or emergency fund.

The momentum is starting to get rolling.

Now about that Indiana’s Good Government Reform plan that's getting shredded in Indy this year...
maybe next time.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Thank God for Pancakes, Cookies and Lent

I’ve haven’t understood the reasoning behind loading up on “good” things before giving them up; I guess I am kind of vanilla that way.

That said, I will be enjoying the cleaning of the cabinets as I attend the annual Shrove Tuesday Pancake Dinner tonight at church as well as the cookies and paczki (new for me) that some of our generous staff have brought in for our impromptu carry-in lunch. Living up to the Fat Tuesday theme.

Preparations for the Lenten season take on many different facets. For me this year, it was a whole new venture. Fortunately I am not alone.

This year – I think it started as a dare – several on our CCA Staff are putting our money where our mouth is, leading by example and any other cliché you may want to add as we adopt the budgeting concept that our Spring Valley Participants have to adhere to.

In a nutshell, during their weekly case manager meetings, participants must account for every penny of income and expenses with receipts, stubs and whatever else it takes to balance. For a couple of years now, I have said that I should put myself through the program, but I couldn’t imagine actually doing it.

No need to imagine now…

I began preparing for the program a couple weekends ago. Initially, I thought I was in pretty good shape after reviewing my monthly income and expenses. Then I read a bit more – I have been consulting Dave Ramsey’s materials (
www.daveramsey.com) – and realized I needed to account for irregular and annual expenses. That would mean I would have to earmark and save money to be spent at a later time so it wouldn’t disrupt my budget at that time. Ramsey says that if you don’t allocate every dollar at the beginning of the month, you can’t accurately track it when it’s gone.

That may not be new to you – and really the concept isn’t new to me – but the putting into practice thing sure shines the bright light of reality into dark corners of what I pretended to be reality.

Thankfully, there are several of us going through this together so we can keep each other on track and focused on the big prize, which for me is multi-fold:
  • Make solid progress into debt reduction
  • Provide a better example for my children
  • Give me the freedom to do more to help my church and others in the community

The Bible is clear about serving two masters – you can’t. Personally, I know that I have spent a lot of lost time worrying about finances; how to ends were going to meet and what the financial future holds for me and my family. This Lenten season, I am giving up something that has been running my life, whether I was cognitive of it or not. I know long beyond this 40-day (plus Sundays) journey, the planned, diligent process of managing money will put me in a better place.

I hope you will join us. Follow our progress via our website and this blog. We invite you to share your comments and progress too.

Friday, February 20, 2009

The Problem with/Plus of ADD or ADHDHVAC and Launching the Blog

I’ve never been tested for ADD (et al, – in fact I joke about the fact I can’t stay focused long enough to figure out what ADD, ADHD…I could sure use a snack, I wonder what’s on TV…what was I saying), but I sure feel blessed and cursed by what I understand the ailment to be. Coupled with constant, multi-tracked streams of thought rattling through my brain, it’s no wonder I oft converse out loud with myself. A short career in radio supported that "conversing with myself" thing.

The litany of ideas that come and go is sometimes frustrating because there are things that I leave undone or forgotten. Sometimes I am running (mentally, though I wish I could actually literally run to be in better shape) forward so fast, there are (some) good ideas left in the wake.

Like Billy Blazejowski in the movie "Night Shift" - "Wanna know why I carry this tape recorder? To tape things. See, I'm an idea man, Chuck. I got ideas coming at me all day... I couldn't even fight 'em off if I wanted. Wait a second... hold the phone! Hold the phone! ...(snip) What if you mix the mayonnaise in the can, WITH the tuna fish? Or... hold it! Chuck! I got it! Take LIVE tuna fish, and FEED 'em mayonnaise! Oh this is great. [speaks into tape recorder] Call Starkist!

I have always been this way. In all honesty, for the longest time, I didn't realize everyone wasn't mentally pinged like Billy and me all the time.

My hope for this blog is to capture some ideas, give a forum for some feedback, and provide an opportunity to revisit, enhance and activate a few when appropriate.

I am passionate about improving our non-profit community’s efficiency – administratively and in service distribution – and effectively reaching more people in need with a higher percentage of our budget.

For years, the for-profit sector has been trimming, redesigning and attempting to increase the productivity-level per dollar invested. At some point – I have believed since I entered the community non-profit world – that they (those people/businesses we are all asking for support) were going to turn to us and ask how we are improving efficiencies and tightening up our own operations. At some point, we are going to have to provide an accounting, in real numbers of their return on investment.

The current model of fragmented, independently operating non-profits is neither efficient nor effective in delivering services to our clients. We don’t communicate about who each of us is serving with what; we all keep separate databases of needs and information. We, each agency, spend the same amount of time collecting the same information from each person that seeks help.

The world is changing and we have the opportunity to lead the change instead of waiting to have it dictated to us. We have an obligation be good stewards of funds invested in our agencies by our community to serve our community.

I am excited about some of the partnerships that we are starting to develop in order to stream-line our efforts and improve services to our clients. Even more exciting are the ideas we will continue to develop as we talk and learn more about each other and how we can help each agency be the best it can be.

Please share your thoughts, tear apart mine, give your suggestions – get involved. We have a rapidly growing population in need and we need everyone’s time, talents and support to try to help them, which in turn will help our community.